Why does nobody like hipsters

And how did making fun of hipsters become so hip? The Hipster walks among the masses in daily life but is not a part of them and shuns or reduces to kitsch anything held dear by the mainstream.

A Hipster ideally possesses no more than 2 percent body fat. The fact that hipness was stolen from black people by white people, and then ruined, supports another time-tested theory: White people ruin everything. Pretending you aren't one. I live in a gentrified Chicago neighborhood, the kind of place hipsters supposedly roam. But even if I did—are they really that interesting? Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac, and so hipsters are hotter than Henry Kissinger. They unilaterally determine the width of ties, the kinds of shoes, the structures of glasses and the books to be seen reading, for the season.

More subtle, but as real, is their control over intellectual trends, over our national discourse. I tried to become one. The idea was to dress as a hipster for Halloween. Who but a hipster would ironically go as a hipster? My socks were mismatched — one yellow argyle, the other purple with white polka dots — but were they not funky enough?

I made sure to not-smile, but did I not not-smile enough? Though I failed, and my heart broke, I emerged with hipster expertise. Kindly allow me to answer some of your frequently asked hipster questions.

How did their hipster legs get so skinny? Hipsters have been planning their rise for years. While you were playing pee-wee soccer with other suburban losers, unaware that someday your normally developed legs would fit into skinny jeans, hipsters were smoking and walking to the Guggenheim, burning fat without building muscle.

Do hipsters have gender? Hipsters transcend gender. Some have male facial features and female runway model figures. Also, as you would know if you had basic literary theory, gender is just a text. Hipsters are not text. Hipsters puff and puff away at hipster cigarettes — are they worried about cancer? You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.

Thorin Klosowski. Contact: Thorin Klosowski. Don't Miss Out. Join Today. Sign Up. I Support Learn More. Latest Stories. More ». Sign Up Now No Thanks. Become a member and go ad-free! Support Our Journalism. Privacy Policy. This Week's Issue. Marketing Coupons Promotions Newsletter Flipbooks.